I recall my excitement one cold December evening as we boarded the plane at Heathrow airport. Destination - sunny South Africa! Visits to my homeland are always special because they’re so much more than a holiday. Seeing loved ones and breathing in all the familiar sensations of my childhood does wonders for my emotional bank account. On this particular occasion, I was really looking forward to seeing my 2-year old niece. Photos are precious but there’s just no substitute for the real deal!

One of the highlights for me is being able to go out together for family meals. Cape Town has lots of gorgeous restaurants and it’s often possible to eat outside – the secret sauce when it comes to great food! As we were preparing to go out to dinner one evening, I realised that my brother and his daughter were missing. I went down the hallway to look for them and my brother appeared from her bedroom – defeat written all over his face. In the time-honoured tradition...

Have you ever travelled to a foreign country where the language and culture differed greatly from your own? For me, there is one place that really stands out – and that is the Czech Republic. Over the years, I’ve had many adventures there but I recall my first trip vividly. Let me tell you the story …

Back in 2007, my husband and I bought a cottage in the beautiful north eastern region of the country, known as the Czech Eden. It really is a little otherworldly with towering sandstone structures and fairy-tale forests. Did I mention that I agreed to the purchase without ever actually visiting the place? I digress … our hopes were to renovate the cottage and let it for holiday rentals.

Well, the cottage was in a state of disrepair when we arrived, so we booked into a local hotel. Lucky for us, there was an indoor pool which gave the children time to play and burn off excess energy. On returning to our room, I couldn’t find a hairdryer and as it was...

If the police force suddenly ran short on detectives, I would highly recommend that they approach autism parents as potential recruits. Why? Because parents of autistic children are often faced with behaviours that are difficult to understand. Although parenting by its very nature calls for all of us to wear our detective hats from time to time, it’s fair to say that autism parents get more practise.

If we look closely enough, we’ll always find reasons for behaviours. The challenge we face though, is that those reasons aren’t necessarily obvious. And that’s where the detective bit come in handy. Knowing why helps us to understand and manage situations more effectively. In a recent email, one Mother told me that “although it might be easier if it were different, it's been so helpful for me to know that there are reasons.” 

So, what are some of the “why’s” when it comes to autistic behaviours?  

Loss of order, control and...

Are you caught in a diagnostic dilemma? Wondering whether you should pursue a diagnosis for your child or not? Are you stuck in a catch 22 of wanting to know but at the same time not really wanting to know? If this is you, you are not alone!

Many parents have concerns about the implications of a diagnosis. Some fear the label “autism” because of what it may mean for their child. Others worry about possible judgement from the people around them. Some parents steer away from labels because they don’t want to box their child.  And then, there are those who hope their child will grow out of the challenges and catch up with their peers.

Of course, all these perspectives contain valid points. Whether they reflect your fears, hopes or just your outlook on life – you are not wrong. Everyone’s situation is different and there are many factors involved. Coming to terms with the idea that your child may be autistic can also be very challenging. The diagnostic...

For most parents, the pending arrival of a new baby is filled with a sense of awe and excitement. And once that precious life is safely delivered, it’s not long before the good news is eagerly shared with friends and family. As the months go by, parents take pleasure in the baby and celebrate each milestone with feelings so deep they’re hard to explain. As one parent said in a recent email to me, “… words cannot describe what joy he brings me. Even when I go to work, I yearn to be able to play with him and make him giggle.”

That intense joy, as every parent knows, often comes hand-in-hand with another less pleasant emotion. Worry. Why is my baby crying? Why isn’t my toddler speaking? Why isn’t my child doing what other children do?

Worries, for the most part, are short lived. They come and they go. Fevers disappear, toddlers learn to walk, and words eventually begin to surface. But sometimes worries linger. Sometimes things do not resolve...

Did you know that the average adult makes 35 000 decisions – not over a life-time – but in a single day? And the average child? They make about 3000 decisions in a day. That’s a whole lot of decision making going on! Added together, those decisions have a huge bearing on our lives. From deciding what to eat for breakfast to choosing a life partner or career, decision making is an integral part of our existence.

To decide something, you need mental flexibility to weigh your options and then select one thing over another. Should I stay in this warm cosy bed for 5 more minutes or shall I get up now? Shall I have cereal for breakfast, or would I prefer toast?

Given how much decision making is needed for daily life and that this grows as we get older, it makes sense that we help our children to develop this skill. And since we know that flexible thinking is hard for those on the spectrum, it’s very important to include this in our approach with autistic children.

One aspect of autistic children (and a feature of rigid thinking) is that they tend to be very self-directed. Simply put, they want to do what they want to do and not what you want them to do. And they can be very adamant about it! Perhaps your child doesn’t listen when you speak? Perhaps he / she only wants to play with certain toys or eat certain foods? Perhaps there is a meltdown whenever you need to leave to go elsewhere?  With this many battles in the day, it’s no wonder life can feel like you’re climbing Mount Everest.   

Logic and many eons of parenting tradition whispers at you to get a grip and bring some order to the chaos. You may feel despair or resort to shouting or disciplining your child to show who’s boss. But there’s a more effective way and it’s the opposite of what you may think …

The word “flexibility” conjures up images of gymnasts and contortionists who can bend their bodies into super-human...

Have you ever noticed how much flexible thinking is needed just to get through the day? Perhaps not. Flexible thinking is one of those skills which, although we use it all the time, lurks well below the radar. And that’s probably why it’s hardly ever considered as a target for autistic children. In fact, we may even ignore it in favour of creating a stable, routinised environment for our children.

Now we know that autistic children have a very strong need for order, certainty, and predictability. And I want to stress that teaching flexibility is not about preventing your child from playing with their favourite toys or watching the same TV programme over and over again. Children’s routines, rituals and choices have important functions and we should not attempt to stop them. But we do need to recognise the importance of flexibility and find ways to equip children with this life skill. Not convinced? Following on from last week’s article, here are 5 more reasons...

Autistic children tend to be inflexible thinkers. It comes with the territory! Perhaps your child always wants the same food, toys, clothes, or TV programs? Maybe your child resists even small changes to daily routine? Your son or daughter may find it hard to wait or you may have noticed that they follow their own agenda rather than tune in to you.

As a result of these challenges, most parents quite rightly try to help by having good routines in place. Perhaps you stick to the same things to avoid meltdowns? And it’s true, without these familiar things, your child may well get anxious and show challenging behaviour.

Whilst it’s important for us to accommodate these needs, it’s also important to build flexible thinking. This doesn’t mean stopping your child from enjoying their interests but it does mean gradually equipping them with coping skills. Flexible thinking is needed in so many areas of life and it’s also a skill that we continue to need as...

Getting your child to follow your instructions can be a challenge which leaves you feeling drained!  Autistic children have different ways of processing information meaning that it can be much harder for them to do certain things. And this certainly applies to the area of following directions. They are often very self-directed and as a result, they don’t find it easy to stop what they are doing and focus on the agenda of another person. Also, their lack of social understanding means that it is less likely that they will comply, simply because you told them to, or because they want to please you.

Thankfully, there are some things that you can do to increase the likelihood of compliance when it comes to instructions.

1. Get your child’s attention

Because your child may find it harder to shift their focus from what they are doing onto you when you start speaking, it’s helpful to say their name first. This signals that you are talking to them and gives them some...