Have you ever watched one of those high-speed videos which shows the artist painting a picture from beginning to end? For a while, all the splodges and colours make no sense. Then at some point, there’s enough detail and you get it. You can finally see the beautiful animal, sunset or person that flows from the artist’s fingertips.

Our lives are a lot like that. Most people only see a few of the lines and splodges that make up who we are. They don’t have the full picture. And as a result, they only know us in part.   

Disclosure of an autism diagnosis is about letting people see more of the real you. Letting them know who you are instead of concealing your true self.  

But disclosure can feel very daunting and for good reason. People’s experiences are mixed and to make matters worse, there are no cut and dried rules to follow. Because everyone’s circumstances vary, it’s an individual decision for each person to make. But that...

The “O” word. Overwhelm. I hear so many of my clients use it to describe how they feel.  

Overwhelm is often the reason that intellectually able people seek a diagnosis in the first place. It’s not necessarily big issues with communication or people skills per se but rather, a sense that it’s all too much.

“All too much” comes in many shapes and sizes. It may be the university student who drops out of their course because they are too far behind. Or the partner who is collapsing under the combined demands of raising children and running a home. It could be the person who feels unable to cope with the endless emails and project challenges at work.  

The reality is that demands grow as we move from childhood to adulthood. “Adulting”, as some call it, comes with a lot of pressure. University students, for example, have to figure out a myriad of new things. From feeding themselves to finding their way around campus, making new...

A few years back, my husband and I went to France with some friends for a long weekend break. On our last day, we took a leisurely drive to Monet’s Garden in Giverny to see the place that inspired so many of his beautiful paintings. We were not disappointed. Wandering through the flower-filled garden left us all feeling like we were walking on air. But that inner tranquillity was short lived …

When we later stopped for petrol, we found an eerily quiet station - apparently the staff were also enjoying the bank holiday weekend. The fumes in our tank weren’t going to get us home. Thankfully, the heavens smiled on us and we soon found another station, this time with actual people selling actual petrol. We breathed a collective sigh of relief but …

The smiles and laughter didn't last. There was a new problem. We’d forgotten about daylight saving time. The clocks had gone forwards and it was an hour later than we thought.

A helicopter would have been...

A few years ago I tried a low carb diet – you know the kind that sucks all the fun out of a burger? Is it even called a burger if there is no bun? Let’s face it, a true burger is the whole deal – bun on the bottom, filling in the middle and bun on the top. A sandwich of sorts.

Speaking of sandwiches reminds me of the "feedback sandwich". It’s an illustration I use with clients when talking about difficult conversations. Those conversations that need to happen but all too often, go horribly wrong.

Being around people in everyday life inevitably means that there will be problems from time to time. Perhaps there is an issue with sharing household chores or the less than stellar piece of work from a colleague. Maybe your child is refusing to do their homework or a friend has betrayed your trust. Small or big, these things typically get resolved (or not) through discussion.

Because it's challenging, we may get a bad case of wishful thinking and put it off hoping...

A few days ago, I was chatting with a friend who shared a simple piece of wisdom that has revolutionised conversation with my daughter.

Like all parents, I have spent many hours teaching my children new skills. From how to hold their knife and fork or use the potty as toddlers to managing money and staying safe as teens and young adults. “Life lectures” as I called them, have featured in countless conversations on the way to school or around the dinner table at home. My mission (dutifully accepted) was to download all I knew to protect my children and help them avoid the road bumps that tripped me up.

But here’s the thing. There comes a point when children no longer want advice from their parents. They need to figure things out for themselves and find their own way in life. Spreading their wings is how they grow and learn.

And so the habit of sharing daily lessons must be shelved in favour of something different. Something that actually works rather than persisting...

Autism and Asperger’s were first described in the 1940s and early portrayals were of people with very pronounced social communication difficulties and repetitive behaviours. Over time, the concept of a spectrum emerged as we learned that autism also presents in far less obvious ways. The current statistics indicate that 1 in 100 people in the UK are autistic. It is highly likely therefore, that our social circles include a mix of neurotypical and autistic people.  

I love the work of developmental psychologist, Dr Robert Kegan, who authored the book, “An Everyone Culture”. Dr Kegan describes the possible transitions in our mindsets as we mature throughout life. From our impulsive minds at birth where we act on impulse and instinct to the pinnacle of the self-transforming mind, where we can appreciate that everyone has a unique life story. Rather than a black and white mindset, the self-transforming mind embraces change and growth as it collaborates with...

Difference. The age-old factor that causes fallouts at home, in our communities and on world stages. Men versus women, heterosexuals versus homosexuals, children versus adults, black versus white, protestants versus catholic and neurotypical versus neurodiverse – to name but a few.

It seems that we like what we know. Familiarity makes us feel comfortable and safe. We cling to it like a child clasping their favourite snuggly toy. And when we encounter someone who differs from our perception of “normal”, we feel uncertain. They aren’t like us and so we’re quick to judge … often unfavourably.

Have you ever tried to convince a toddler to eat a new vegetable? Your enthusiasm was quite possibly met with absolute refusal. Mouth clamped firmly shut. As far as they are concerned, that vegetable represents a very real threat to their existence!

When you think about it, we are not so very different to toddlers who won’t give new food the benefit of...

On an early morning drive the other day, I suddenly found myself in dense fog which faded the road in front of me. I immediately slowed down hoping my tyres wouldn’t be destroyed by one of the many potholes that dot the country lanes where I live. Gripping my steering wheel, I edged forwards cautiously and then, just as suddenly as it had arrived, the fog disappeared into my review mirror leaving me in glorious sunlight.  

That fog reminded me of the way neurodivergent people often experience communication. I’ve been told many times by clients that they feel as though there is some exclusive communication manual which everyone else has read – except them. And that leaves them feeling like they are operating in the fog hoping not to hit any miscommunication potholes.

Well, in the interests of lifting that fog, the following is an explanation for some of the miscommunications that happen between neurodiverse and neurotypical people.  

Because we’re...

I love to visit a particular coffee shop near me. They serve heavenly cappuccinos which are the perfect antidote to a cold winter’s day. But it’s not just good beans that makes this coffee memorable …

I first visited the coffee shop on the day that my daughter started secondary school. We were new to the area and feeling very vulnerable in the face of so much unfamiliarity. First day jitters were having a field day. As it was still early, I suggested that we go into the café for a quick bite. No-one had had the stomach for breakfast that morning and for some reason, us mothers always feel better when our children have eaten!

Noticing that my daughter hadn’t touched her food, the owner approached and asked if he could make her something else. Not wanting to offend him, I explained that it was nerves, and not his sandwich, that was the guilty party. He lingered for a while, asking a few questions and reminiscing about his son’s time at school....

I recall a time when I was seated next to a young couple in a restaurant. Both were glued to their phones. I assumed they must be mid-argument – you know the point where you’ve reached a deadlock, and no-one is speaking? But I was entirely wrong. Every now and again, in between mouthfuls of burger and chips, one would lean over and together they would smile or laugh at something on one of their phones.  

It’s no secret that we are a distracted generation. Our attention is constantly drawn to our phones, computers and TV’s. It’s where we find a treasure trove of likes, comments, memes, funny clips and interesting facts which give us little “feel-good” dopamine hits throughout the day.

You would think that all this entertainment would make us the happiest people group in history. But the statistics tell a different story …

The number of people seeking professional help for mental health issues is rising at an alarming rate....