How to manage repetitive play
I recall my excitement one cold December evening as we boarded the plane at Heathrow airport. Destination - sunny South Africa! Visits to my homeland are always special because they’re so much more than a holiday. Seeing loved ones and breathing in all the familiar sensations of my childhood does wonders for my emotional bank account. On this particular occasion, I was really looking forward to seeing my 2-year old niece. Photos are precious but there’s just no substitute for the real deal!
One of the highlights for me is being able to go out together for family meals. Cape Town has lots of gorgeous restaurants and it’s often possible to eat outside – the secret sauce when it comes to great food! As we were preparing to go out to dinner one evening, I realised that my brother and his daughter were missing. I went down the hallway to look for them and my brother appeared from her bedroom – defeat written all over his face. In the time-honoured tradition of two-year olds, the little lady was standing her ground and refusing to wear clothes that met with parental approval. Had she been the 5th or 6th grandchild, her mini tirade might have raised a smile or even gone unnoticed. But as the first grandchild, there were standards to maintain.
So, what was all the fuss about? She had put on a dress …. all good so far …. and a pair of jeans … here was the rub. My brother evidently saw me as fresh hope. He handed me a selection of tops and marching orders to get her to choose one of them to go with the jeans she was wearing. I smiled inwardly. Here was my chance for family stardom. The visiting Aunty would swoop in and win the day. And the best part of all – this was a doddle. After all, I work with children. What could be simpler?
I coolly entered her room and negotiations began in earnest. Before long, victory was in sight and tiny madam was busy putting on one of the tops along with her jeans. Whew! Reputation intact. “That’s how it’s done!”- I thought as I swaggered out of the room feeling pleased with myself ... just in time to spot her … putting on a dress over her top and jeans!!
I had been foiled! This little girl was determined to stick to her agenda. No amount of bribing or cajoling was going to change her mind. And this is the challenge that many autism parents face on a daily basis. Autistic children typically have rigid thinking styles with a preference for order, control, and predictability. One of the ways this shows up, is in a tendency towards repetitive play. Your child may choose to play with the same toys every day even if there are other exciting options available. They say that variety is the “spice of life” but for your child, it may just be the source of all stress.
I’ve spoken in previous posts about the ways in which repetitive behaviours can serve autistic children. Forgive the repetition, but I think it bears mentioning again. Sameness gives your child the order, control, and predictability that they need. Repetitive play can be a way of self-soothing when your child is tired or anxious. It can also be used as a means to develop skills. Some children will use familiar toys to learn or practise something new. So, we are not trying to stop children from playing with the things they enjoy but it is helpful to encourage more varied and flexible play.
Why would we encourage flexible play when repetitive behaviours are actually helping your child? Because, rigid behaviours impose huge barriers in everyday life. If you fear the unfamiliar; restaurants are out of the question, visiting a friend’s home can be extremely stressful, new clothes get rejected, shopping trips are fraught, parties are a non-starter … the list goes on.
So, how do you go about encouraging more varied and flexible play? You can start by offering a choice of two different toys. At first, it may be useful to include your child’s favourite toy as one of the options. Once your child is comfortable with the idea of making choices, then you can offer two things that don’t normally get chosen. You will need to make sure that all other toys have been put away, so the only options available are the ones you are offering. Play with the toy that has been picked for a few minutes even if your child isn’t interested. You can then bring out the familiar preferred toy afterwards or you can save it for later in the day when your child is tired or in need of something familiar.
Another thing you can do, is to model new ways of playing with the favoured toy. If your child always does the same thing or follows the same script, introduce some small changes. Start by playing alongside your child and copying what he / she is doing. Once you are engaged in the activity together, show your child another way to play with the toy. If there is resistance, it’s a good idea to back off but come back to it later or the next day and try again. Your child will gradually become more comfortable with the idea.
Most of us respond to big changes with some trepidation. Currently, nations across the world are still dealing with the impact of COVID-19. Like many other countries, England went into lockdown and shopping trips became something of a fiasco. Face masks, gloves, hand gel, wipes, long queues, bare shelves. The first time I wore a mask, it felt like I was going to run out of oxygen. But now, a few months down the road, masks have become an accessory! We have adjusted. Although our new normal still doesn’t feel quite right, shopping is certainly more of a routine event rather than the drama of those early days. I’ve seen many autistic children respond in this way. Yes, they would prefer to keep things the same but with our guidance and support, they can begin to see that change is OK. And, in some cases, it’s even fun!
So, keep going and if you’re wondering what happened to my niece – well, she followed a career in fashion of course!
To you and your parenting journey!
Linda Philips
Parenting Autism
https://www.parentingautismcoach.com
Parenting Autism supports parents of young autistic children with coaching and training to improve communication, interaction and emotional regulation skills. Interested in knowing how we can help? Contact [email protected]
