For most parents, the pending arrival of a new baby is filled with a sense of awe and excitement. And once that precious life is safely delivered, it’s not long before the good news is eagerly shared with friends and family. As the months go by, parents take pleasure in the baby and celebrate each milestone with feelings so deep they’re hard to explain. As one parent said in a recent email to me, “… words cannot describe what joy he brings me. Even when I go to work, I yearn to be able to play with him and make him giggle.”

That intense joy, as every parent knows, often comes hand-in-hand with another less pleasant emotion. Worry. Why is my baby crying? Why isn’t my toddler speaking? Why isn’t my child doing what other children do?

Worries, for the most part, are short lived. They come and they go. Fevers disappear, toddlers learn to walk, and words eventually begin to surface. But sometimes worries linger. Sometimes things do not resolve...

Did you know that the average adult makes 35 000 decisions – not over a life-time – but in a single day? And the average child? They make about 3000 decisions in a day. That’s a whole lot of decision making going on! Added together, those decisions have a huge bearing on our lives. From deciding what to eat for breakfast to choosing a life partner or career, decision making is an integral part of our existence.

To decide something, you need mental flexibility to weigh your options and then select one thing over another. Should I stay in this warm cosy bed for 5 more minutes or shall I get up now? Shall I have cereal for breakfast, or would I prefer toast?

Given how much decision making is needed for daily life and that this grows as we get older, it makes sense that we help our children to develop this skill. And since we know that flexible thinking is hard for those on the spectrum, it’s very important to include this in our approach with autistic children.

One aspect of autistic children (and a feature of rigid thinking) is that they tend to be very self-directed. Simply put, they want to do what they want to do and not what you want them to do. And they can be very adamant about it! Perhaps your child doesn’t listen when you speak? Perhaps he / she only wants to play with certain toys or eat certain foods? Perhaps there is a meltdown whenever you need to leave to go elsewhere?  With this many battles in the day, it’s no wonder life can feel like you’re climbing Mount Everest.   

Logic and many eons of parenting tradition whispers at you to get a grip and bring some order to the chaos. You may feel despair or resort to shouting or disciplining your child to show who’s boss. But there’s a more effective way and it’s the opposite of what you may think …

The word “flexibility” conjures up images of gymnasts and contortionists who can bend their bodies into super-human...

Have you ever noticed how much flexible thinking is needed just to get through the day? Perhaps not. Flexible thinking is one of those skills which, although we use it all the time, lurks well below the radar. And that’s probably why it’s hardly ever considered as a target for autistic children. In fact, we may even ignore it in favour of creating a stable, routinised environment for our children.

Now we know that autistic children have a very strong need for order, certainty, and predictability. And I want to stress that teaching flexibility is not about preventing your child from playing with their favourite toys or watching the same TV programme over and over again. Children’s routines, rituals and choices have important functions and we should not attempt to stop them. But we do need to recognise the importance of flexibility and find ways to equip children with this life skill. Not convinced? Following on from last week’s article, here are 5 more reasons...

Autistic children tend to be inflexible thinkers. It comes with the territory! Perhaps your child always wants the same food, toys, clothes, or TV programs? Maybe your child resists even small changes to daily routine? Your son or daughter may find it hard to wait or you may have noticed that they follow their own agenda rather than tune in to you.

As a result of these challenges, most parents quite rightly try to help by having good routines in place. Perhaps you stick to the same things to avoid meltdowns? And it’s true, without these familiar things, your child may well get anxious and show challenging behaviour.

Whilst it’s important for us to accommodate these needs, it’s also important to build flexible thinking. This doesn’t mean stopping your child from enjoying their interests but it does mean gradually equipping them with coping skills. Flexible thinking is needed in so many areas of life and it’s also a skill that we continue to need as...

Does any of this sound familiar? “Come and sit down for dinner” – no response. “Time for bath” – tantrums.  “Time for bed” – running around.

It can be exhausting and frustrating when your child “ignores” your instructions especially if you know that he / she understands what you are saying. Why then, the non-compliance?

The social understanding of neuro-typical children enables them to respond to instructions as soon as they can understand spoken language. Of course, they often resist, hence the term - “terrible twos” – but in the main, they choose to follow instructions because of their “social wiring”. They understand social hierarchy (I should do what my Mum tells me to do) and they naturally want to please you. Autistic children, on the other hand, do not have the same “social wiring” and consequently, they are often very self-directed. They follow their own agenda...

In the last blog post we talked about the fact that autistic children often produce echolalia because they have a different way of learning language. Rather than the usual method of typically developing children - where sounds become single words which lead to phrases and then sentences – autistic children often learn chunks of language which they then reproduce.

As mentioned in the previous post on echolalia, this can be a way of communicating. Your child may be trying to tell you something using the only language they can access.

Are there other explanations for echoing? The simple answer is, “Yes, there are many reasons why children do this.” Having said this, the purpose is not always obvious. So, it’s helpful to watch and learn the patterns that are unique to your child.

Some children echo as a way of experimenting with language. In the same way that typically developing children experiment with babbling noises while they play, your child may be enjoying...

So, you ask your child, “Do you want an apple?” and instead of saying, “yes” or “no”, they reply, “Do you want an apple?” Leaving you flummoxed as to whether or not they want the apple!

Many autistic children echo language either immediately after they hear it or some time later. Often, the words appear to be meaningless and unrelated to events going on around them. Parents often feel very frustrated by this behaviour and wonder how they should respond. Ignore it? Try to stop it? Change it?

To address the response question, let’s firstly look at why children produce “echolalia” – the word often used to describe echoed language or repeating what someone else has said.

Autistic children typically have a different learning style when it comes to acquiring language. Non-autistic children usually begin speaking by saying single words (like, “Dadda”) which then leads to word combinations (like,...

Have you noticed that your child often lines up his / her toys? Rather than playing with trains or dinosaurs in a pretend way, he / she may spend lots of time meticulously placing them in a long line. Have you ever wondered why?

Lining up toys is a common feature of young autistic children. But why do they do this and how should we respond?

One of the features of autistic people is a tendency towards a more rigid thinking style. They often have a strong preference for order and predictability. Tasks or situations that require flexible thinking can be a challenge.

It is therefore understandable that young autistic children will show this thinking style in their play. Lining up toys is a way of bringing order and predictability to the immediate environment.

The key is not to stop your child from lining up their toys. Doing so may lead to distress or a tantrum because the perceived “chaos” will cause an increase in anxiety. It’s more helpful to use this information to...