Did you know that the average adult makes 35 000 decisions – not over a life-time – but in a single day? And the average child? They make about 3000 decisions in a day. That’s a whole lot of decision making going on! Added together, those decisions have a huge bearing on our lives. From deciding what to eat for breakfast to choosing a life partner or career, decision making is an integral part of our existence.

To decide something, you need mental flexibility to weigh your options and then select one thing over another. Should I stay in this warm cosy bed for 5 more minutes or shall I get up now? Shall I have cereal for breakfast, or would I prefer toast?

Given how much decision making is needed for daily life and that this grows as we get older, it makes sense that we help our children to develop this skill. And since we know that flexible thinking is hard for those on the spectrum, it’s very important to include this in our approach with autistic children.

One aspect of autistic children (and a feature of rigid thinking) is that they tend to be very self-directed. Simply put, they want to do what they want to do and not what you want them to do. And they can be very adamant about it! Perhaps your child doesn’t listen when you speak? Perhaps he / she only wants to play with certain toys or eat certain foods? Perhaps there is a meltdown whenever you need to leave to go elsewhere?  With this many battles in the day, it’s no wonder life can feel like you’re climbing Mount Everest.   

Logic and many eons of parenting tradition whispers at you to get a grip and bring some order to the chaos. You may feel despair or resort to shouting or disciplining your child to show who’s boss. But there’s a more effective way and it’s the opposite of what you may think …

The word “flexibility” conjures up images of gymnasts and contortionists who can bend their bodies into super-human...

Have you ever noticed how much flexible thinking is needed just to get through the day? Perhaps not. Flexible thinking is one of those skills which, although we use it all the time, lurks well below the radar. And that’s probably why it’s hardly ever considered as a target for autistic children. In fact, we may even ignore it in favour of creating a stable, routinised environment for our children.

Now we know that autistic children have a very strong need for order, certainty, and predictability. And I want to stress that teaching flexibility is not about preventing your child from playing with their favourite toys or watching the same TV programme over and over again. Children’s routines, rituals and choices have important functions and we should not attempt to stop them. But we do need to recognise the importance of flexibility and find ways to equip children with this life skill. Not convinced? Following on from last week’s article, here are 5 more reasons...

Autistic children tend to be inflexible thinkers. It comes with the territory! Perhaps your child always wants the same food, toys, clothes, or TV programs? Maybe your child resists even small changes to daily routine? Your son or daughter may find it hard to wait or you may have noticed that they follow their own agenda rather than tune in to you.

As a result of these challenges, most parents quite rightly try to help by having good routines in place. Perhaps you stick to the same things to avoid meltdowns? And it’s true, without these familiar things, your child may well get anxious and show challenging behaviour.

Whilst it’s important for us to accommodate these needs, it’s also important to build flexible thinking. This doesn’t mean stopping your child from enjoying their interests but it does mean gradually equipping them with coping skills. Flexible thinking is needed in so many areas of life and it’s also a skill that we continue to need as...