In my last post, I discussed how the needs of neurodiverse / autistic people are not as obvious as a physical disability because they can’t be seen. These hidden challenges often lead to rifts in relationships because there isn’t a shared understanding of each other.

Common ground is built through discussions in which we actively seek to understand rather than judge. This is how we gain new perspectives and these up-dated viewpoints change lives both now and in the generations to come.

From my years of working with autistic / neurodiverse people, I’ve encountered certain themes which surface regularly. And it’s these, that I would like to share with you.

You may have heard the saying: “if you meet one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person”. In other words, no two people are alike regardless of diagnosis. So, what follows is my two-cents worth to get the conversation started. It will not apply to everyone, so...

During lock-down, when the world went quiet, we had some spare time to fill. To keep the boredom gremlins at bay, my children started an online French course and invited me to join them. The first few lessons were a dream. Those 2 years of high-school French were enough to carry me through with confidence. But it quickly reached the point where I was lagging behind and couldn’t keep up with the pace. Our online tutor spoke words at machine-gun pace in sentences which were meaningless to me. It was just a barrage of sound. What happened next? I lost interest. Quickly!

Autistic children often have differences in their ability to process information. It is not uncommon for them to have strengths in visual processing but weaknesses in auditory processing. Simply put, they tend to understand better when information is shown to them.

Spoken language with no supporting visual cues can be difficult to decode. This challenge is not always easy to spot. And that’s because children...

Have you ever travelled to a foreign country where the language and culture differed greatly from your own? For me, there is one place that really stands out – and that is the Czech Republic. Over the years, I’ve had many adventures there but I recall my first trip vividly. Let me tell you the story …

Back in 2007, my husband and I bought a cottage in the beautiful north eastern region of the country, known as the Czech Eden. It really is a little otherworldly with towering sandstone structures and fairy-tale forests. Did I mention that I agreed to the purchase without ever actually visiting the place? I digress … our hopes were to renovate the cottage and let it for holiday rentals.

Well, the cottage was in a state of disrepair when we arrived, so we booked into a local hotel. Lucky for us, there was an indoor pool which gave the children time to play and burn off excess energy. On returning to our room, I couldn’t find a hairdryer and as it was...

If the police force suddenly ran short on detectives, I would highly recommend that they approach autism parents as potential recruits. Why? Because parents of autistic children are often faced with behaviours that are difficult to understand. Although parenting by its very nature calls for all of us to wear our detective hats from time to time, it’s fair to say that autism parents get more practise.

If we look closely enough, we’ll always find reasons for behaviours. The challenge we face though, is that those reasons aren’t necessarily obvious. And that’s where the detective bit come in handy. Knowing why helps us to understand and manage situations more effectively. In a recent email, one Mother told me that “although it might be easier if it were different, it's been so helpful for me to know that there are reasons.” 

So, what are some of the “why’s” when it comes to autistic behaviours?  

Loss of order, control and...

Getting your child to follow your instructions can be a challenge which leaves you feeling drained!  Autistic children have different ways of processing information meaning that it can be much harder for them to do certain things. And this certainly applies to the area of following directions. They are often very self-directed and as a result, they don’t find it easy to stop what they are doing and focus on the agenda of another person. Also, their lack of social understanding means that it is less likely that they will comply, simply because you told them to, or because they want to please you.

Thankfully, there are some things that you can do to increase the likelihood of compliance when it comes to instructions.

1. Get your child’s attention

Because your child may find it harder to shift their focus from what they are doing onto you when you start speaking, it’s helpful to say their name first. This signals that you are talking to them and gives them some...

Does any of this sound familiar? “Come and sit down for dinner” – no response. “Time for bath” – tantrums.  “Time for bed” – running around.

It can be exhausting and frustrating when your child “ignores” your instructions especially if you know that he / she understands what you are saying. Why then, the non-compliance?

The social understanding of neuro-typical children enables them to respond to instructions as soon as they can understand spoken language. Of course, they often resist, hence the term - “terrible twos” – but in the main, they choose to follow instructions because of their “social wiring”. They understand social hierarchy (I should do what my Mum tells me to do) and they naturally want to please you. Autistic children, on the other hand, do not have the same “social wiring” and consequently, they are often very self-directed. They follow their own agenda...

In the last blog post we talked about the fact that autistic children often produce echolalia because they have a different way of learning language. Rather than the usual method of typically developing children - where sounds become single words which lead to phrases and then sentences – autistic children often learn chunks of language which they then reproduce.

As mentioned in the previous post on echolalia, this can be a way of communicating. Your child may be trying to tell you something using the only language they can access.

Are there other explanations for echoing? The simple answer is, “Yes, there are many reasons why children do this.” Having said this, the purpose is not always obvious. So, it’s helpful to watch and learn the patterns that are unique to your child.

Some children echo as a way of experimenting with language. In the same way that typically developing children experiment with babbling noises while they play, your child may be enjoying...

So, you ask your child, “Do you want an apple?” and instead of saying, “yes” or “no”, they reply, “Do you want an apple?” Leaving you flummoxed as to whether or not they want the apple!

Many autistic children echo language either immediately after they hear it or some time later. Often, the words appear to be meaningless and unrelated to events going on around them. Parents often feel very frustrated by this behaviour and wonder how they should respond. Ignore it? Try to stop it? Change it?

To address the response question, let’s firstly look at why children produce “echolalia” – the word often used to describe echoed language or repeating what someone else has said.

Autistic children typically have a different learning style when it comes to acquiring language. Non-autistic children usually begin speaking by saying single words (like, “Dadda”) which then leads to word combinations (like,...