It’s summertime here in the UK –  though you won’t get any clues from the weather! Despite our gloomy skies, it’s the season for outdoor theatre. Across the UK, audiences swap their opulent theatre seats for picnics and deck chairs. And as they say … the show goes on … come rain or shine.

A few years back, I took my children to see a play in a walled garden near our home. When the performance ended, I was surprised to see only a handful of actors on stage. As it turns out, the rest of the cast hadn’t done a runner … there weren’t any others. Each person had cleverly played multiple roles.

I remember thinking how incredibly skilled they were to keep changing characters without lapsing into the wrong role. It seemed like a big ask … even if they were trained to act. And yet, what they were doing, is similar to the mental gymnastics we perform when we catch-up with friends or colleagues around the barbecue or water...

Embarrassing moments? Yep. We’ve going there today. We’ve all got a tale to tell and here’s one of mine …

In an effort to make friends when we first arrived in the UK, my husband and I would often invite people to tea over the weekend. There’s nothing like a good carrot cake and I loved having an excuse to eat some!

But it was only when my children started to visit friends of their own that the penny finally dropped. “Tea” has different meanings. English people use “tea” in the way that I would use “dinner”.

I don’t know how many people came to my home expecting a meal, only to be given a piece of cake, but there were quite a few. It was 5 years before my first child was even born so I had plenty of opportunity to offend!

That mini cultural difference is an example of the confusion that often happens in neurotypical / neurodivergent communication exchanges.

Autism is sometimes...

Have you ever recognised someone but not been quite sure who they are? That sense of knowing but not knowing at the same time. The person looks familiar but you aren’t sure how or if you know them.

These impressions are like the way we experience our emotions. Especially the softer ones. Strong emotions are easier to detect but there are times when it’s hard to put your finger on what you are actually feeling.

This isn’t surprising when you consider the nature of emotions. Like our thoughts, they are neural messages which are not easily defined or understood. They can linger or be fleeting. They can layer or combine with each other to create different nuances.  

Most of us can read internal physical states, like pain, hunger or thirst without difficulty. We don’t easily confuse these signals unless they are very mild.   

Autistic children, do however, have more difficulty recognising their internal physical states¹. This tends to disappear in...

If you’ve lived for a minute, you’ve probably seen the words “keep calm and carry on” written somewhere. That was the slogan put out by the British government to prepare people for World War 2. More recently, it makes for good marketing and you can find it’s cousin on just about anything from socks for woman in labour (“keep calm and push”) to mugs for stressed out teachers (“keep calm and pretend it’s on the lesson plan”).

I know the intention is good but actually, it’s terrible advice! As some wise soul said, “never in the history of calming down has anyone calmed down by being told to calm down”.

Staying calm is about keeping things under wraps. But emotions are unpredictable. They make us feel vulnerable. And in a heightened emotional state, we are prone to saying or doing things that we later regret. So, we resort to control. 

Through our childhood years and beyond, we are very likely to hear...

Did you know that there are shops which sell products specifically for left-handed people? You can buy all sorts of things … from scissors to knives, peelers, tin openers, garden equipment and a host of other things that might take your fancy.

As the only right-handed person in my family, I get a tiny taste of what “lefties” experience every day. The kettle is always facing the wrong way and don’t get me started on the bread! Thank goodness for the sliced variety – it prevents the inevitable doorstop which results when a “rightie” cuts after a “leftie”.  

“Design”, as Steve Jobs said when introducing the original iPhone, “is not just what it looks like and feels like. Design is how it works.”

We all have our own unique design which affects how we operate on a day-to-day basis. We gravitate towards things that match our design and steer away from things that don’t.

If you have a talent for...

Jane* is an exceptionally talented person in the creative arts. We met this week in our diagnostic clinic to answer the autism question. “Do I have an autism spectrum condition?”

Jane was identified as “gifted and talented” at school. Jane’s a magician with words. Conversation brims with vivid descriptions and it’s not hard to see why writing is the career of choice.

But at 30 years of age, Jane has little to show for all these talents. University didn’t pan out and there is a somewhat chequered work history.

Jane is angry. Life has been challenging and there are less achievements than were hoped for. Jane wonders why no-one considered the possibility of autism when the struggles were plain at school? Why did the University not step in to help when things started to unravel? Jane feels let down.

Adults often feel relieved when they finally receive their autism diagnosis. It is an explanation for the challenges they have gone through. It...

Have you ever watched one of those high-speed videos which shows the artist painting a picture from beginning to end? For a while, all the splodges and colours make no sense. Then at some point, there’s enough detail and you get it. You can finally see the beautiful animal, sunset or person that flows from the artist’s fingertips.

Our lives are a lot like that. Most people only see a few of the lines and splodges that make up who we are. They don’t have the full picture. And as a result, they only know us in part.   

Disclosure of an autism diagnosis is about letting people see more of the real you. Letting them know who you are instead of concealing your true self.  

But disclosure can feel very daunting and for good reason. People’s experiences are mixed and to make matters worse, there are no cut and dried rules to follow. Because everyone’s circumstances vary, it’s an individual decision for each person to make. But that...

The “O” word. Overwhelm. I hear so many of my clients use it to describe how they feel.  

Overwhelm is often the reason that intellectually able people seek a diagnosis in the first place. It’s not necessarily big issues with communication or people skills per se but rather, a sense that it’s all too much.

“All too much” comes in many shapes and sizes. It may be the university student who drops out of their course because they are too far behind. Or the partner who is collapsing under the combined demands of raising children and running a home. It could be the person who feels unable to cope with the endless emails and project challenges at work.  

The reality is that demands grow as we move from childhood to adulthood. “Adulting”, as some call it, comes with a lot of pressure. University students, for example, have to figure out a myriad of new things. From feeding themselves to finding their way around campus, making new...

A few years back, my husband and I went to France with some friends for a long weekend break. On our last day, we took a leisurely drive to Monet’s Garden in Giverny to see the place that inspired so many of his beautiful paintings. We were not disappointed. Wandering through the flower-filled garden left us all feeling like we were walking on air. But that inner tranquillity was short lived …

When we later stopped for petrol, we found an eerily quiet station - apparently the staff were also enjoying the bank holiday weekend. The fumes in our tank weren’t going to get us home. Thankfully, the heavens smiled on us and we soon found another station, this time with actual people selling actual petrol. We breathed a collective sigh of relief but …

The smiles and laughter didn't last. There was a new problem. We’d forgotten about daylight saving time. The clocks had gone forwards and it was an hour later than we thought.

A helicopter would have been...

He took his place on the starter block - focus and determination framed his features. With nine gold Olympic medals in the bag, Michael Phelps, was hoping for another. The starter signal sounded and he plunged into the pool, legs and arms working together in powerful unison.   

The crowds roared as the swimmers battled it out, jostling for position. In the final 50 metres, Michael took the lead. To the spectators, all looked well. But in the water, a different story was unfolding ...

What no-one knew, was that Michael was swimming blindly. His goggles had started filling with water the moment he entered the pool.

By the last leg of the race, Michael had no idea where his competitors were. He drew deeply on his inner world, imagining the race as he had done countless times before. He finished, not just in first place with yet another gold medal … but with a new world record to his name!

It wasn’t hope or chance that took Michael to...